I'm really into asian looking animals
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
