I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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