My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
