not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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