I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
