this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
