I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
