Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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