New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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