the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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