I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
