i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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