i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
