It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
