I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am puke
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
