It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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