Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
