there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
