pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
