"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
