I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
