I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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