They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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