Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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