are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
