Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
