morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
