I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
