You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
