I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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