I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
