I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This house was built for laser tag.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He? As in you personified your dick?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
