from now on my penis is your penis
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
