My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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