YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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