Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
