Walk of Shame. In a state park.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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