My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
