My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
