Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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