i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
