I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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