apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
