My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
