jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Shame is for Republicans.
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