Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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