please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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