Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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