The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
