I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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