There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
