He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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