I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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