Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
