I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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