there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
