I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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