if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
