i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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