# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
