Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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