I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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