Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
