But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
