Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
