Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
