I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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