i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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