i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
