why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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